Despite best intentions, I did not manage to blog through 2018.
It is now May (MAY?!) 2019 and here I sit, annoyed with myself for not having utilised blogging as much as I should have, as an outlet and a creative release. So what happened?
Well. Firstly, early in 2018, I had an intriguing experience of censorship occur. It challenged my views on a number of levels, made me rather cross at the time and ultimately clarified some relationships in quite a powerful way. I can now view it as a positive experience overall but it made me slam the brakes on in my writing somewhat.
What I did about it was to create a whole new place where I can write about the challenges of corporate life without the fear of censorship from any direction. Yes, it requires careful editing and a number of VPNs, but the freedom it provides is worth the effort.
And accordingly, this blog will now remain a space for all other musings and any generic, non-contentious views on my working life.
What else has been happening? Well, I turned 40 in Costa Rica which was memorable and pretty enjoyable. I stopped to breathe it all in and tried not to freak out about it too much. It has affected me in a few ways, not really an existential crisis but definitely a thought provoking and strangely liberating experience which has generated a lot of reflection and a sense of inner calm.
The view from horseback in Costa Rica on my 40th
I went for a new job which is a level higher and a pretty meaty role, I am now Associate Director Online Programs for University of Adelaide and I feel pretty damned proud every time I say it out loud. It is fair to say that I was not expecting (or expected) to get this role - but I fought hard and I got it. That in itself has been a baptism of fire. Despite being in the same organisation, in fact I think because of being in the same University it has been harder to get to grips with, partly because I am still carrying a lot of activity relating to my old role and partly because everyone (including senior leaders) is still processing the change and struggling to acknowledge any difference in my role. This could also be subjective and the result of some cognitive bias on my part because I am suffering somewhat with imposter syndrome (that most evil of sensations).
This year also seems to be the year of the public speaking engagement for me. I wanted to do more of this and so while it is a challenge it is a good one. I submitted papers successfully for two major conferences relating to the online/educational technology space and was successful. On top of that I was asked to be a speaker at another event and accepted - however, in some wholly unhelpful timing the three speaking engagements (all of which involve travel and time away from the office) have fallen between the end of March and this coming week - so pretty much overlapping with the start of the new role. Not ideal but it can't be helped.
I have realised I truly enjoy being the face and voice of my team at these events, even though they tend to be emotionally and physically exhausting -long days, continual networking and tons of prep - but it is all worthwhile when someone says at the end of your session (as they did the week before last) "That was inspiring!" or mentions how innovative what we do in this space is (yes it is!). My one wish is that I was at a point where I could truly concentrate on and engage with these events and not be continually answering emails and phone calls from the office - I think that will settle though, once we are fully up and running with the activity relating to Online Programs.
So, I am looking at the rest of 2019 with something approaching excitement, mixed with a huge dose of apprehension. I and my team have a lot to achieve but life is in a good spot (save for the results of the Australian election that have just come in - sigh).
In addition, Stu and I became Australian citizens this year and we have various family members planning visits we can look forward to - 2020 is already filling up with exciting things and I feel intellectually stretched and incredibly proud of where I am in my career - and I have to give a shout out to my wonderful other half for being the most supportive spouse (and excellent Dog Dad) and enabling me to do the long hours, the trips away and generally being too tired to do much at home at the moment. It will settle soon, I am sure, but I feel pretty lucky to have the support I need at home while things are intense.
I will try and blog here more than I have been of late, because it helps with the anxiety and the stress. It seems the trick is to carve time out when I am alone, but there are just so many things to think about that it's tough to prioritise this.
This week I am at THETA conference in Wollongong for Monday-Weds and in the next hour, on a Sunday afternoon, I will head out and stroll down the seafront to register and attend the opening reception. The nice thing is, because it's not a week day, I can fully engage with events without checking for emails every 5 minutes. I intend to breathe deeply along that promenade and remind myself that it's ok to just be me today and enjoy these interactions that I get to have with similarly minded people.
Until next time....
