Incredible India – part 1 – Delhi and Jaipur

Red Fort - Delhi

We have just returned from a trip of a lifetime to India and it stirred every emotion under the sun. At times it nearly broke me, at times I was moved to tears, at times I laughed so much it hurt, I met friends for life, saw sights that defy explanation and experienced a culture so vivid, intense and different to my own that it was life affirming and framed my thoughts in a whole new way. I never really considered that a ‘holiday’ was capable of having this level of impact on a person but I can tell you that it has on me.

I had heard tales of people that “find themselves” in India and those who return year after year or disappear into a yoga retreat for long periods so I figured it must have some kind of magical ability to impact deeply on visitors. Julia Roberts and ‘that terrible film’ have a lot to answer for in painting a narcissistic, hippyish, self-obsessed image of the stereotypical Indian experience. This is not what happened to me. I just had my eyes opened to a country that defies any kind of stereotype, it can be all things to all people, it has the power to redefine who you are but it does not need you. In film version, the (wonderful) Best Exotic Marigold Hotel is a much closer portrait than the ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ depiction (in my opinion).

So, we arrived in Delhi on a very hot Sunday afternoon in late April. I was slightly wired, having spent the flight from KL in a seat with 2 CRAZY women sat behind me who shouted at each other for the whole 5 hours and got up and down around 10 times during the flight, repeatedly whacking the back of my head as they did so. They seemed to think this was acceptable behaviour. I did not. At least there was beer on the flight (though Malaysian Airlines made us share a can!).

Our transfer from the airport was with the Planeterra supported Women on Wheels project which enables women to get their driving license and become private chauffers, giving them independence and confidence and a means of support in society. Our lady driver pulled no punches on the roads of Delhi (a note about the roads of Delhi, I thought they were pretty fucking mental until I had experienced other Indian cities, in context the roads of Delhi are pretty calm and ordered) and used her horn a healthy amount (ie every 10 seconds – restrained by Indian standards). She was not frightened of tuk tuks, cows, the fact that a 3 lane road had 6 lanes of traffic or even the 10 ton lorries doing insanely high speeds and weaving in and out of all of the above.

During the trip between the airport and the hotel we saw:

·         A Suzuki swift containing 8 people get pulled over by police

·         A motorbike with 3 people and a basket of washing and a pig on it

·         A cow standing in the central reservation of the freeway

All of these would later become very normal - we were definitely not in Kansas anymore. Less amusing was the dead puppy outside our hotel; this place challenges your precious, preconceived ideas of what is acceptable so very often that you have to learn to let go of them at times.

Sunday night we met our group for the first time, there were 9 of us: 5 Aussies (including us, the pom contingent), 2 Germans, 1 American and 1 Costa Rican. This was actually the element of the trip I was most anxious about as we knew we would spend every day with these people for the next 2 weeks on a busy itinerary – if any of them were dicks it would have been rather unfortunate.

Thankfully Ganesha was clearly smiling on us when this group was put together and the stars aligned to give us a group that were, across the board, laid back, well-travelled, easy going and very, very funny. I never expected to laugh as much as we did over the course of this trip. From the initial meeting to the final dinner we shared food (we shared LOTS of food), hand wipes, medicines, water, insect repellent, fruit and just about everything we had. Oh and we also shared a heck of a lot of rum. Which was medicinal (or so we were told).

The medicinal rum did not, unfortunately, prevent any of us from getting sick. At pretty much every point during the trip, at least one person was not right. The fortunate thing was that there was a genuine feeling of team spirit and care for each other – fostered by our amazing guide Jai – which ensured that despite the fact people were feeling rough and struggling to eat or keep anything down, we managed to see everything we were meant to and looked after each other through the worst parts. Believe me, a sense of humour and a great deal of pragmatism are essential qualities on this kind of trip through India.

This is our group, our first ‘selfie’ at a hilltop temple in Jaipur as the sun set. I love the bones of these folk. We only need wifi, rum, showers and curry to be completely content. And (as Mahatma Ghandi once said) The Verve – Bittersweet Symphony, which became the soundtrack to our trip and part of a hilarious joke.

L-R - Emma, Eric, Nadine, Isaac, Jai, Stu, Me, Bina, Dean & Jade

Anyway, back to our first full day in Delhi which was a busy one as it was the only full day we had before leaving for Jaipur. We were up and out to visit another Planeterra project, the fantastic Salaam Baalak Trust which helps and supports street kids with education, clothing, food and a place to stay as well as training them to work as tour guides to support themselves in later life. We spent time on one of the tours and then time with the youngest kids currently in the trust’s care, all of them spoke alarmingly good English and they were intrigued by our cameras and phones, wanted to show us their colouring and drawing, were genuinely excited that we were visiting them. It was humbling.

After this we visited the Jama Masjid mosque which has great views over the city and is beautiful and huge. Strangely they made all the women in our group wear gowns over our clothes, though we were all completely covered in preparation, they didn’t ask us to cover our hair though. It felt a little like some kind of bonus way of extracting rupees to be honest, or at the very least, marking us out as tourists ripe for badgering to everyone else.

Next we walked through the streets of old Delhi to a Gurdwara which was beautiful, I covered my hair for this one with a funky purple headscarf and we were allowed in while they were having a ceremony. It was wonderfully peaceful and inclusive, I have a soft spot for Sikhism as I grew up with a lot of Sikh friends and of all the religions it seems to be the most completely focussed on equality throughout. In support of this notion, Gurdwara’s have a tradition of ‘Langar’ which means a common canteen where they will feed anyone, of any background, creed or religion, for free at lunch time. People volunteer to man the kitchens, serve the food etc as their personal contribution to the community and the dahl and roti is basic but tasty. For the homeless and less fortunate these places are a lifeline. They happily fed us too.

Volunteers shaping roti

Langar - roti and dahl

In the afternoon we spent the worst heat of the day in a pleasantly air conditioned mall – there was a Starbucks which seemed very exciting after a few days of only having access to weak nescafe. Once it started to cool off we headed to Haus Khaz and sat on the grass in the middle of the beautiful ruins (in what is now a trendy and affluent part of town) while Jai told us the history of the things we had seen that day. 

A feast for mozzies

A number of mosquitos feasted on me while this happened.

In the Haus Khaz district we went to a Nepalese restaurant for dinner. This was my second experience of Nepalese food and the second time I have disliked what I ordered, this must be bad luck, I should have had the momos (dumplings which were delicious) but I somehow ordered cheese soup with whole chillies in it (are you mad, Nepal? How is this a meal?). I didn't eat very much but lovely folk in my group shared theirs happily and I made a note not to order this terrible dish again.

Next day there was a "kerfuffle" over some toast in the dining room which was incredibly amusing though I am not sure it was meant to be. I felt terrible for having caused such an inconvenience but I couldn't face curry for breakfast on this particular day and there was a toaster and a loaf of bread so I assumed toast was at least a possibility. 

Unfortunately, the toaster was only there for show and on my putting bread in it both waiters looked utterly perplexed. What followed was a 30 minute wait for toast while the waiters tried to find a place to plug in the troublesome appliance. There were no spare plugs. Someone bought an extension lead, it was not quite long enough. Another extension lead was procured following extensive phone calls and shouting. It still did not reach. At this point one of the waiters walked off with the toaster and the bread and (I can only assume) plugged it in elsewhere. This is India, it is entirely plausible that my toast was cooked on the reception desk. What a complete nuisance I am. 

It was sort of like watching Fawlty Towers dubbed in Hindi, which, if nobody has yet done, should surely be created immediately?! The head waiter definitely had a touch of the Basil's about him anyway. 

After breakfast we boarded our pretty awesome bus to Jaipur. We had air con and plenty of space and it was a very comfortable journey - en route we saw:

• An elephant on the back of a flat bed truck
• A crop of marijuana growing behind some public toilets

Arriving in Jaipur, in Rajasthan, India's desert state, the heat was quite insane. We spent a few hours chilling and then headed out to the monkey temple at the top of a hill which had a great view of sunset over the city, that is where the selfie at the start of this blog is taken from.

There were cows and goats and pigs and dogs as well as monkeys at this place and all of them wanted food and petting. Well, actually the monkeys were not so keen on the petting and mainly wanted to rob you of whatever edible delights you were carrying. But the cows, goats, dogs and pigs were happy for some fuss. 

This guy feeds the monkeys every day, they love him.

Looking over the rooftops of Jaipur

That night we went to see a bollywood movie at the famous, art deco Raj Mandir Theatre. We saw "Mr X" which was like an Indian James Bond but with dancing. The samosas were amazing (seriously, all cinemas should offer samosas as snacks!) and the inside of this place was even more spectacular than the outside, truly beautiful. It was so cool to see whole families enjoying this very Indian experience. 

Inside the theatre, v cool art deco design

After the movie, Jai took us to a v nice restaurant (entirely vegetarian) where I had the best aloo gobi of my life. A tuk tuk ride through the streets of Jaipur turned into a race between the three drivers which was mildly amusing and simultaneously very scary indeed. We were still fairly new to the crazy Indian traffic at this point, give it a week and we wouldn't have even blinked...

Next day we were up fairly early and out to see the Palace of the Winds and the Amber Fort before the real heat of the day kicked in. This was where we saw heaps of elephants for the first time, though Stu and I were determined not to ride them up to the fort. Jai told us that there have been changes to the rules around the elephants for their welfare and now each elephant is only allowed to make 3 trips up and down the hill each day whereas previously the poor things had no limits at all. G Adventures does not support this use of animals, which again, for me, underlined why I think they are a fabulous company to tour with. At least now there are limits on how much they do each day and the horrible bull hooks have been replaced by wooden sticks.

Palace of the Winds

Amber Fort

After a morning of exploring we headed to a local fabric maker and bought some outfits for our approaching visit to the Taj Mahal, Bina and Jade bought beautiful Saris and Emma and I bought Indian style tunic tops. This was a really good place to go which again thanks to Jai was not a tourist trap but a seller to retail outlets. There was no hard sell which was nice and they gave us masala chai and let us shop at our own leisure. 

This was the afternoon where I unfortunately got very sick. Ahead of an evening out in Jaipur I became very ill and had to stay at the hotel while Stu headed out with the gang. I kid you not, I was in so much pain with stomach cramps that I just lay on the floor of the bathroom sobbing for a while. It was a very uncomfortable night and meant that any plans for climbing a hill at sunrise the next morning were abandoned (who am I kidding, right!?). One of our group was hardcore (lookin' at you Bina!) and attempted the hill despite being ill, this resulted in a vomit break near the summit. Isaac tricked Emma into thinking he would join her after they drank beers into the early hours. He bailed, Emma was not amused. 

We left Jaipur a few hours after the sunrise walk returned, I could not eat anything so just knocked back some Hyrdalyte (the official sponsor of our holiday) and kept sipping water. We then headed off to Tordi for a night in a local village before heading to Agra. Part two to follow soon....

International Women's Day

Today is International Women’s Day and to celebrate I was lucky enough to be invited to a business breakfast hosted by Senator Penny Wong and sponsored by my employers, UniSA (among others). It reminded me why I love working in Higher Education, a sector where I have always been surrounded by strong, inspirational women and have been lucky enough to receive excellent mentoring, advice and guidance from them. HE is a field where I DO believe that the gender divide is narrowing and where women are treated more equally than in other career choices, which is lucky. It should not feel lucky, though, it should be standard.

Equality and fairness are massive drivers for me – but you know this if you have ever read my blog before, I rant write about it often.

On a day where progress in gender equality is celebrated at the same time as the need to do more is acknowledged, I want to pay tribute to the women who have inspired me and who set the bar exceptionally high in their ability to lead, create, love and celebrate life while kicking metaphorical ass in their chosen professional fields. I am lucky to know all of them and they all continue to amaze and inspire me with their drive, their vision and their passion for life.

My mom – Christine Price.

Since I was tiny I knew I could do whatever I wanted to do because of this incredible woman. I was allowed not to play with dolls (I just didn’t like them) and gender stereotypes were not imposed as standard. I watched her determination to pursue a career whilst juggling 2 children on her own, watched the work she put into her Nurse training and then watched her turn this into a specialism in mental health. I watched her go back to University and graduate in Occupational Health and then get repeatedly head hunted by large private sector firms for her expertise and ability in the field. I continue to watch her fly and am so proud I could burst. In addition to this she is my friend, confidant and source of eternal wisdom. Words just don’t do her justice really.

My Mentor – Jan Gilder

An exceptionally gifted manager and strategic thinker – Jan encouraged me to do my MBA when I worked on her team at University of Wolverhampton. She subsequently guided me through the tough times of completing the course whilst simultaneously mentoring and developing my practical skills in leadership. I have recently been complimented on my ability to inspire loyalty in my team members and this is entirely down to watching and learning from one of the best with Jan. Leaving Jan’s team when I emigrated was so very hard because by that point she was not only my manager, she was my friend, but I would not have been able to do credit to her without spreading my wings myself and she always conveyed such a belief in me that I know she was fundamental to my ability to relocate half way round the world. I owe her my professional ethos and leadership style and so much more besides.

My peer idol – Danielle Lester

There aren’t many people who just “get” why I am so interested in organisational behaviour or can talk with me for hours around the relative merits or holes in methodologies for project management (it’s ok if you are thinking “wtf?!” at this point). Dani is all that and more. She has kicked ass in male dominated fields for many years (Quantity Surveying and Construction Project Management) and she has forged her way in new countries from scratch twice. She is now a PhD candidate at University of Queensland and I am not sure whether she realises how in awe of her I am. Whenever I think I can’t do something I think about the various hurdles and barriers and nonsense that she has successfully navigated and I have never known anyone so completely focussed on getting where they want to be regardless of the difficulties involved. I am motivated to go for my PhD at some point in the future because of Dani. It also helps that she remains grounded, funny and shares my appreciation of good food and wine.

My long time comrade – Claire Davis

Part of my adult “holy trinity” with Dani. Claire has astonished me with her spontaneity, drive and sheer sense of adventure for many years. I should have known at age 19 when I casually asked if she fancied a trip to California in a few weeks-time (and she jumped at the chance) that she shared my love of travel and of new experiences, since then she and I have travelled together many times and had some entirely unrepeatable adventures. On top of her wonderful embracing of a life lived for the moment, Claire totally rocks professionally and has carved her own niche in Australia (where she emigrated on her own with just the clothes on her back) because she is scared of bugger all and believes hard work can get you anywhere you want to be. This ethos has seen her achieve CEO status at the age of 35 and without her my life would not have been half as scattered with funny stories.

Women often find it hard to, or don’t see opportunity to, celebrate each other and their achievements. I believe all of the above women and many more (the key ones listed below) have affected my life and my attitude to it in fundamental ways. All of them have taught me things, all of them continue to inspire me and I take great pleasure in calling them my friends. Tonight I will be raising a glass to these very special women and celebrating their achievements on International Women’s Day - though I wish it was normal to do it all the time (and perhaps we should).

The supporting cast of other impressive, sassy, amazing women who inspire me:

Sarah Taylor – taught me so much about networking effectively and professional integrity whilst wearing high heels. Also introduced me to Chablis.

Rhea Alton – has successfully made a name for herself as a businesswoman and is Director of her own PR company whilst simultaneously raising two small children, this lady proves you CAN have it all.

Emma Taylor – Another super-mum and business whizz – Emma has long been my confidant and a key support through many trying events. I love her like a sister and always will and she is one of the strongest women I know.

Michelle Depper-Westwood – the only person in the world that I am utterly telepathic with in meetings, I don’t think I will ever have such a close relationship with a colleague ever again and I hope one day we are reunited in business.

Fi Cheshire – my Cristina Yang. In Australia I just don’t know how I would have coped if I hadn’t found this amazing woman so early in the journey.

Jacqui Dean – confident, funny, so incredibly engaging and more sarcastic than me (!). Jacqui is someone who I can utterly trust to provide emotional support and/or alcohol and to know which quantities of each are needed at any given time. A fearless traveller and a woman after my own heart. 

       

The Calm After the Storm

I don’t quite know how to start with this one, but last week I started my new job (at last) and finally things are starting to settle into some kind of routine. I didn’t really have time to think about or process this upcoming major change over the xmas and new year break at all. It arrived like an unexpected iceberg that I had somehow missed and threatened to derail me unless I GOT A FUCKING GRIP and breathed normally. I think I just about managed to pull it off.

So, with that in mind, I feel I should explain why my brain has been in such a mess of late. I do not believe it has ever been quite as utterly befuddled in such a comprehensive way as it was over Christmas and New Year. I felt as if someone had filled all the gaps with cloudy water so that there was literally no room to think. I am emotionally and mentally recovering from an incredibly intense few weeks, of the kind that nobody who is not a migrant will understand. Indeed some kind of salve was applied when I discussed the experience with a colleague who had been through exactly the same thing over the same period and she told me equally hilarious and unbelievable tales from her version and we were able to laugh hysterically and thank Christ that it really is just normal to feel like this (right?).

What happened to leave me so completely wired and freaked out, you may wonder? Well, my wonderful, inspiring, vivid and funny family came to stay with us over Christmas and New Year, that’s what. All of the above adjectives are absolutely true about my family, however, they could also be ascribed the following: baffling, exhausting, demanding and OBSESSED WITH INTERNET ACCESS. The last point is in capitals for a reason which will later become clear.

Luckily I believe my family are amazing enough that they will be able to read this and empathise with it rather than disowning me and will be able to laugh at some of the shared memories.  I may be wrong on this assumption though, nothing ever surprises me about people I am related to and their inexplicable/impressive ability to hold grudges to an Olympic standard. I also totally appreciate that this ‘holiday’ threw them into situations that they were equally unfamiliar with, in environments where they were, at times, totally out of their comfort zones and it required intense periods of time with people that usually you see for an hour or two at a time. It would test the patience of a tranquilized saint, I shit you not. All of us felt trapped and pissed off with each other at certain moments, I know this to be true. It does not mean we love each other any less, just that we are a thoroughly normal family. My way of coping is to blog it.

Stu and I have, at least, experienced these periods of intense contact a few times now so we know what to expect and how to handle the rollercoaster; living 24 hours flight time away from where you grew up means that you do indeed spend short but bewilderingly intense periods of time with people because its either that or just never see them at all. At times, the latter option seems like a utopian dream but believe me, the moment you have to handle the goodbyes you realise it is not. It makes for an interesting time and proves many old adages are true about how much you flex for family members and blood being thicker than water, and so on. Every time I have to say goodbye to these amazing people who made me who I am, I panic that I may not see them again and I spend the next week or so moping, sad and bereft at the hole they have left in my life. It does not get easier, ever.

I guess the reason this trip put more strain on us than we were used to was that while we had got into a good rhythm with my mom and step dad (with whom we have spent a couple of holidays over the last few years) on this visit we were also joined by my brother, step sister and nephew and believe me, there is a big difference hosting 5 people from hosting 2. There is also a heap more admin and associated stressing required when you are the people who ‘know’ the country and the logistics because it naturally falls to you to do the organising and the associated herding of people around the arrangements in place. That is not to say I would have it any other way, we had a truly awesome few weeks and I feel like I bonded massively with my siblings in a way that we have never had chance to do as adults before, furthermore and especially significant, I feel incredibly close to my 10 year old nephew and was so very lucky to share some of the most amazing moments of his life with him – money cannot buy those memories.

I reckon that all the emotion and adrenaline we have used over those 3 weeks contributes to this feeling of come down, of exhaustion, of total bewilderment and mental fog – because there was simply so much squeezed into the period that even now my memory is still processing it all, trying to take it in, feeling like I just stepped off a rollercoaster. We swam with dolphins, laughed so much we hurt, snorkelled the barrier reef, sky dived, white water rafted, witnessed my parents renew their wedding vows, ate BBQ until we were sick of it, had Christmas together in 35 degree heat, saw so much wildlife it became almost boring, cruised the sea off Mission Beach at sunset on a chartered yacht, kayaked, swam, played on the beach, talked until late, petted kangaroos and held koalas and applied 3 gallons of sunscreen and insect repellent (ineffectively in my case).

And there were niggles too that go with living in a confined space for so long with anyone that is not your long term partner…so here goes with a few just to balance it out:

Noises that defined the duration of the visit – slamming fly screen doors, feet up and down the hall at all hours, the continual pinging of ‘whatsapp’ messages arriving every minute of every day (internet permitting), the locking and unlocking of our bathroom door (not irritating until you hear it 15 times an hour), the sound of the kettle every 20 minutes from 6am onwards, the bizarre commentary on people playing GTA which I did not even know was a ‘thing’ (my nephew watches this on youtube all the time), smokers coughs, the washing machine – which was seemingly in action 24/7 and now needs a lie down as much as we do.

Things that happened which I am still slightly confused about – my mother managed to break the kitchen pedal bin 4 times. FOUR TIMES!!! I still have no idea how this was even possible. Stu has often pondered the question of where my dyspraxia originates, I present the following evidence in association with the above mentioned pedal bin episode; my mother also managed to a) drop the kettle (the actual kettle) on the kitchen floor and b) have the whole family spend 30 mins frantically searching for her brand new eternity ring (at 9pm on NYE I might add) which she had managed to lose after 3 hours of wearing it (it turned up on the bathroom floor behind the bin). I rest my case.

Things that nearly sent me over the edge #1 – being parked outside a tourist information centre and then being asked quite calmly by someone who has just exited that very building “where is the Skyrail round here?” as if I worked in the building that I was parked outside of and that they had just walked out of. *Note* I believe I answered more questions in this 3 week period than I have in the rest of my 36 years on this planet, ranging from the fairly straightforward ones like “what is a Cassowary?” to the somewhat baffling ones like “will this restaurant be open tonight?” (gesturing at random establishment I have never seen before in my life) which assumes I have some kind of omniscient knowledge which covers all public spaces, shops, restaurants, airports and internet providers across the whole of Australia at all times, I felt like a personal – and less patient – version of google some days though I am flattered that my family clearly believe my knowledge of Australia to be greater than that of the internet. 

Things that nearly sent me over the edge #2 – waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting for people to stop looking at their phones and actually engage/get ready for dinner/finish a conversation. This is one of those things where we display unusual amounts of patience and tolerance with family which with our friends we would not.

The day that they all went back to the UK Stu and I felt completely bereft. The house goes from being full of noise and life to being quiet and still. You are surrounded by small bits of them (or in the case of my nephew, bless him, LARGE bits of random food in places you would not expect) and things they have left behind and you cannot stop thinking about the fact that as each moment passes they are getting further away. We have stopped doing goodbyes at the airport because it is just too hard – it is still awful saying goodbye from home, but at least you can literally curl up in a ball and wail for a while if you want to afterwards without negotiating a hideous journey home first. I don’t reckon this bit will ever get any easier.  

And then, just like that, it’s a distant memory and life returns to normal and the 10,000 mile gap is resumed and it takes a while to re-establish the routines but you get there. In a way I do believe that these experiences are priceless and it’s a shame we only have them because we are this far away; thank goodness people love us enough to come all the way out here and make amazing memories with us and to see it as an opportunity to do that. Every time my family visit I learn new things about myself and about them, I hope this never changes and I hope that they know that I love them all so very much - even when they are making me swear.

Direct Appointment

Direct appointment, or the decision by a company not to openly recruit a position but to simply move a pre-determined existing employee into it, is seemingly the preferred (and default) route of many employers in Australia. Certainly for private companies anyway (based on research, reading and LinkedIn discussions). I discussed this matter at length with colleagues and with the HR business partner for the firm I was, until recently, employed with (and had been since arriving in Australia) and find that I fundamentally disagree with the stance that it is ‘beneficial’ for the business. Cautiously, I decided against posting this until I was no longer employed by the company as although this is purely a matter of opinion, I am concious that it could have rocked a number of boats among people who I am genuinely fond of. 

I never quite realised what a driver for me 'fairness' is in relation to progression in the workplace until I saw such a complete farce of a 'promotion' happen within the team I was part of, that I was enraged. For me this was the beginning of the end of my being able to be engaged in this company, it was the start of the rot setting in and my realising that the future, for me, was unlikely to be with them as an employer long term.  

In looking for alternative employment, I do also realise that I am, to some level, privileged by being white, straight and university educated whilst on the other hand also being (potentially) disadvantaged by being female. What I can say with certainty is that every role I have ever taken on I have fought for and won fairly and to me that is important. Also, in defence of the previous employer referred to here, I know that they do also appoint external candidates to roles (I was one) from time to time. Unfortunately, they are not consistent with this approach and a deeply rooted (historical?) belief in direct appointment as a preferred method prevails, especially where positions with any kind of authority come up. 

So - direct appointment. Maybe in one or two instances it might genuinely be the case that there is only one viable candidate for a role and talent retention might encourage such a decision without having any undue (negative) side effects; but in general I believe it is a solution best avoided and one which can be symptomatic of lazy, helicopter management decisions which impact hugely on the culture of a workplace – and not necessarily in any positive way.

I have seen first-hand the disenfranchisement of staff members when they feel that they were passed over, when they are confused and disappointed that they didn’t get a chance to be considered for a position, when they subsequently don’t respect the person appointed because there was, seemingly, no fair and open validation for why the decision was made. I have seen it be the cause of people starting to look elsewhere, I have seen it cause resentment and disengagement.

The consistent response from those not given a chance to apply for a direct appointed post is that they feel devalued.The fact that when management were making such decisions these employees did not even register as a potential contender for a role is disheartening and does make one reflect on whether this is the kind of place where it will ever be your turn, and if not what that means for your career progression (or more pointedly, the lack thereof). 

One of the key arguments that is made in favour of direct appointment is that there is a risk when a post is advertised internally and then some of those candidates are inevitably unsuccessful, that they will naturally immediately seek to leave the company. I say to that, there is always turnover anyway and although when interviewing a number of internal candidates there is unavoidably the risk of ‘losing face’ and therefore coming to the decision that it is time to move on - there are bigger and broader negative effects from not advertising and recruiting in a fair and open manner. 

In any event, if the culture of a workplace is truly positive and encouraging of staff development and continuous learning, then the likelihood of unsuccessful candidates leaving is minimal. The opportunity to try out for a promotion or a change of position can be educational and a positive experience that at least flags openly that an employee is keen to improve, to learn and to grow. The fact that they are invited and encouraged to fully try out for a post is affirmation of their being taken seriously by senior management and a nod to the fact that career progression here is encouraged for all.

If these opportunities are denied then the culture risks becoming such that unless you are singled out for a position you will never get the chance to show you could do it. It kind of makes a farce of the ‘professional development’ that we are repeatedly told that companies encourage and value. 

Personally, I would always feel slightly uneasy if I had been handed a promotion I did not feel I had legitimately tried out for and earned. If the post in question has a number of direct reports into it then it stands to reason that some of those reports may have tried out (or wanted to but not had the chance) for the post. If no actual process has occurred where they got the chance to apply, it is fairly likely that there will be a natural resentment towards the person chosen – and a whole heap of extra legwork that the appointed candidate will need to do to earn the respect of their team as a result. 

Having said this, it is, thankfully, no longer strictly my problem. I feel quite lucky in that I have successfully managed to manoeuvre my way back into the HE sector where fair and open recruitment is practised as standard. Point in case - I interviewed against internal candidates for the post I have just commenced. This enables me to feel highly positive about my new employer in relation to their processes and decisions, I already believe that decisions are made objectively and that is a valuable thing. For the first time in my working life in Australia I feel like I stand a chance of moving forward with my career.  

Mid Life Crisis?

It has been a funny few weeks here in Adelaide. Actually, more like a funny few months.

Since our return from our UK trip in May there has been rather a lot going on for us, both at home and (for me) at work. I have had a lot to think about and I am feeling a little overwhelmed and unsure of myself at the moment as a result.

Apparently a mid-life crisis for women in their 30s is an actual thing. I am not sure whether I find that reassuring or terrifying. A lot of the data on this, however, relates the mid-life crisis part fundamentally with having/balancing kids with career and that is not the situation for me at all. So maybe I am just having a bit of a moment, a delayed reaction to the cultural shock of moving to the other side of the world. I dunno. Something is awry and I do not like the way it is making me feel.

Basically, every area of my life is GREAT apart from my career. And it is not that I don’t love my colleagues (who are amazing and have made the move to Australia pretty darn easy) or the company I work for (which is a great place to work). It’s that I feel like I am at a crossroads and have absolutely no idea which path I should take or where my ultimate destination should be.

The problem is this: I am not in any way inspired or happy in my current role. That’s not to say I am not doing well in it - I am, but it holds no interest for me at all and I have known for a number of months that this is the case. I feel trapped in a cul-de-sac of meh.

Unfortunately, there is probably no way out of this role which will keep me working for the same company with the same awesome people; so I have to start thinking about making a leap elsewhere – but towards what?

My experiences for the last year have made me seriously question where I want my career to be heading – and this is not helped by the fact that I have spent the last 8 years going towards being a ‘project manager’ on paper with all the bells and whistles that it entails but now find myself questioning why on earth I did this and whether it is even something I want to continue with.

I do believe my current role is part of the reason I am having a crisis of confidence in relation to being a PM. Mostly because what I currently do is facilitate tasks through departments and a hell of a lot of basic customer service. Neither of these things define or are even central to project management to me; they are very much project admin and not challenging, interesting or satisfying enough to remind me why I used to like being a qualified, experienced (proper?) project manager with a budget, a deadline and a clear goal.

Luckily, PM skills are pretty transferable. I am organised, a good negotiator and stakeholder manager, calm in a crisis and able to get things from A to B even when the route is all manner of complex and usually to an agreed deadline and budget. All those things used to give me a buzz. Nowadays I spend more time in a perpetual face-palm stance than anything else; getting projects from A to B still, but not really actually delivering them. More like coordinating the various people around me to do so. Whilst talking to clients on the phone. A lot.

I miss the strategy and the large scale sense of achievement that come with the big projects. I miss having control over the costs and the timescales. I miss managing multi-faceted partner relationships that utilised my communication skills. I miss people management (and I never thought I would say that).

But despite the things I miss, I am still not certain that just replacing this job with a ‘proper’ PM role will be the solution. I just keep thinking about whether I am being tempted to put an old pair of shoes on because they felt comfortable and made me happy in a different life when really I should be 

finding the most kick ass pair of awesome shoes for the future.

And this is where my thinking is a bit mid-life-crisis-esque.

When I actually think about what I would do if money was no object, it does not really involve being a straight up PM at all. Even though some of the key skills for being a PM would likely be central to these radical pathways anyway.

Whatever the role is that my heart and subconscious are seeking right now, the only thing I can tell you is that I have had crazy thoughts about:

·         Studying viticulture and managing a cellar door

·         Studying NLP in conjunction with applied linguistics and going more towards lifestyle/business coaching

·         Event management

·         Freelance work for UK HE contacts

Most of these share a common theme in that they would entail having more autonomy over my working life. I keep skirting round the issue of being my own boss and wondering how this would work out and why I feel that it is something I would like to do. I am also slightly terrified at the prospect of all that responsibility and at the moment the fear is keeping me still while I mull it over. All of these paths would pull on skills I already have as a PM. Perhaps event management would be the most closely matched with what I do now.

None of these would be easy pathways to take but then nobody ever said easy was the best route. In my mind and in my experience it never has been - the best paths have been the difficult but exciting ones and so I think maybe I need to get ready for major change. I am not averse to being taken wherever fate deems appropriate and am totally open to new challenges I haven’t even thought of or mentioned here, so my plan is to see out 2014 whilst mulling over the possibilities and then launch into 2015 with a renewed sense of purpose and a clearer idea of which direction to head in. 

The Plate Analogy

I have always worked hard for the things I have sought to achieve in my life because this is what I was brought up to believe is the right thing to do. No 'getting handed stuff on a plate' - a sense of entitlement is baffling and almost offensive to my ethos. Where can the sense of pride be when you have not strived for or legitimately worked towards the achievement? Personally, my conscience would not allow it if I did not think I had earned whatever the achievement or advancement was. 

I think this message was hammered home to me by my high achieving mother who taught us that nothing was out of our reach in life but that to work hard to get to where you want to be makes the achievement worthwhile and validates the success. I watched her do this all my life. I still watch it now.

So, when I wanted to progress in my previous career at University of Wolverhampton I had to apply myself, work hard from the bottom up and achieve the necessary recognition to move forward - a process which felt both organic and appropriate. When I left I was managing a team I had built and developed from scratch and I had the full belief and support of my Dept Head/Manager - one of the most inspirational mentors (and women) in my life to date. It felt right and walking away from it to come to Australia was incredibly difficult because of that. 

Similarly, when I decided to do my MBA whilst working full time it required dedication on a level I was not aware existed previously and on many nights I sat at the kitchen table between 7pm-3am typing, reading and trying to keep on top of the mammoth amount of coursework. It was a test of endurance as much as an application of knowledge and it made the finish line all the sweeter when I finally crossed it.

Over the last few weeks I have discovered quite unexpectedly that fairness and equality are MASSIVE drivers for me. I never quite realised to what extent I am personally appalled when a decision is handled without an ounce of objectivity, consideration or forethought, when it is made for convenience and with no element of a fair process in place. I guess this is why I have been starting to consider a slight change in career path - because the processes around fairness and people are the ones which at this point in my life inspire a passion and a new-found area in which to apply myself (should I ever get the chance).

This diagram kind of sums up my current mindset really:

Simple but so very true.

I don't hold much truck with folk who continually whinge about how unhappy they are but just never do anything about it and it certainly is not my style. Over the last few weeks I have combined previously learned CBT skills (how many times a year am I grateful for those tools!?) and the above analogy to figure out a plan to get me past how I feel right now. 

I feel pretty positive about the new plan so I guess I should feel grateful (almost) for the way in which a shitty situation has left me feeling, now that I have fully processed the negative emotions and learned the lessons that they have taught me.

The below diagram is not just an awesome example of typography (taken from a rather amusing list of things designers wish their clients knew) but it also represents a core belief of mine and one which I now know I need to cultivate further as a central part of my decision making going forward.

One lesson which rings true for me again and again is that when something makes you react emotionally it is pushing your buttons for a reason - to teach you something. I struggle sometimes to reign in the desire to let that emotion get the better of me, though I am getting better at it as time goes on. 

For now, I am planning, soothing myself with good things in life and looking forward with a familiar old mindset firmly in place - determination. Onwards and upwards and no dwelling on the past - karma always catches up so I am certain that at some point I can look back on this time and see it as a wonderful catalyst to a better point.

Thoughts for 2014

Happy new year!

I have had a great holiday period, enhanced by the fact my parents were over from the UK and it was my first Australian, summertime Christmas. And also my first Christmas on a boat, which was lovely, but weird. I have had lots of time to reflect as we spent a week with intermittent 3G (imagine!) and I properly unwound for the first time in months (possibly since emigrating) and let my mind wander without boundaries.

Our boat for Christmas week - Hannah-Joy

The result of this is some new goals and plans for 2014. I won’t call them resolutions because, from experience, labelling them as such dooms them to failure before Easter. These are more guidelines and amendments for the way I want to be going forward and are also influenced by the fact I turned 35 on New Year’s Eve.

It is not so much the ‘being 35’ that bothers me but the fact I am now only 5 years off 40 and 15 off 50. My life seems to be sliding away too fast and I guess this sadistic peering round the corner at the next big milestones has made me feel a little rattled by the fact that I have somehow reached 35 about 10 minutes after my 25^th birthday. Or at least, that’s how it feels.

So, throughout this year (but not by any particular defining dates) I want to slowly get fitter, eat cleaner, move more and become more tolerant of stupid people. Of all of these things the last one, for me, will be the biggest challenge.

I came to the conclusion that these are the areas I want to focus on to make me a better person after reflecting on the things I do well and the things I don’t do well at, a summary of which is as follows...

Things I believe I am good at:

Correspondence – I always return calls, emails, letters, communications of any kind. I often instigate the sending of the same, even when I know I am sending them into a non-responsive vacuum (which kind of baffles me). I have a busy life but I always reply to things because people matter and making time to reply to anything that someone has bothered to send me is not a chore, it’s just polite. I would like to be less upset about it this year when people just don’t respond to things cos that’s a reflection on them rather than on me (and anyway it’s physically impossible to actually respond to anything ever when you have kids so that’s a handy caveat to employ as reasoning most of the time). 

Cooking – man do I love to cook. One of my favourite things in life is seeing how happy my cooking makes my husband, friends and family. I was over the moon when my mother in law sent me a birthday text which also said she was craving one of my pad thai dishes! I want to learn to cook more ‘clean’ things though, living in a country with such an abundance of fantastic fresh produce is inspiring this and I also want to pick my quorn blog (which is quite flatteringly now pinned all over pinterest!) back up again and develop it further.

Talking and listening – I know I can usually get my message across in any situation and if you put me in a room with a total stranger I won’t find the situation distressing. I am always capable of filling/bridging awkward silences. I pretty much talk for a living as a project manager – with clients, departments, colleagues and partners and I love it. I don’t want to change this at all.

Things I believe I am not very good at:

Tolerating idiots – this is why I definitely made the right decision in not doing my teacher training. I mentally find it such a massive battle to have patience with people who don’t grasp concepts, ideas or just sentences quickly or need to live their life through a drama filter. This is getting worse as I get older and have to bite my tongue every time a ranting doofus pipes up on social media; hell, Facebook in particular is a stream of ranting idiots these days, a pestilent, semi-literate, Jeremy Kyle-esque, flow of continuous ranting status updates - usually just vague enough to provoke lots of similarly malignant responses from other drama whores. Going forward I will hide/cull more of such tosspots and not worry so much about them realising I have done so.   

Enjoying exercise – although I am getting better at this, largely thanks to Zumba and living in a country where I spend far more time outside. I still detest running (despite a brief and godawful flirtation with it last year) and this year it’s all about walking more (better for my knees) and keeping up the Zumba sessions. I also want to start swimming seeing as the sea is virtually on my doorstep and very warm at this time of year. The shark issue I am pushing firmly to the back of my mind.

Fashion – yep, there you go. I am a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl, always have been. I feel like a complete tool usually when I wear anything other than these kind of things and usually this doesn’t bother me but I would like to maybe evolve into someone who actually has a defined and less tomboyish ‘look’ and maybe learn not to hate clothes shopping quite so much. At the moment the fact that I work somewhere that I don’t have to wear business dress is causing me issues as my home and work wardrobe are now one and the same – whilst this has it’s perks (I don’t have to engage brain in a morning) it also has downsides. Namely, that I feel very conscious about my lack of any kind of fashion sense. I probably shouldn’t care but I do so I figure I should maybe set myself the challenge of trying to change this.

So, these are the things I am going to try and work on over the coming months. There are other things too – some potential professional/career related ambitions and a general promise to myself to read more books and less Digg on the tram (but that site is SO addictive!). I will no doubt be back to update on these various intentions soon and I have also not abandoned the #100books challenge (it's just that the new Donna Tartt came out and I got a bit derailed!).

I am currently sat on my porch after work, in the sunshine with a cup of tea so all in all things are not going too badly this year - long may this continue!